So I’ve decided that livejournal is a piece of shit. I hardly write in it anyway, but maybe I’ll keep it up on here. At least the layout is aesthetically pleasing.
Things lately have been pretty nice. I’m in a situation I never thought I’d be in, and I’m really enjoying myself. I’ve still got this slight guard up though, which I think is more because I’m not sure if I really believe this is happening yet. Though he seems pretty sure of himself. Sometimes I still feel like I like him a lot more than he likes me. But maybe that’s just me being paranoid. I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of him, I want to be around him constantly, and though he likes to have me around as well, he doesn’t mind being occupied with other things. And i feel like I’m forcing myself on him sometimes. I guess maybe I’m just used to guys being interested in only one thing… So in reality, I shouldn’t really be complaining about this at all. I don’t know. It’s weird. I feel like I’m being rejected almost? Even though that doesn’t really make any sense, obviously he isn’t rejecting me. I’m just rambling now. All I know is, that sometimes I’m so overcome with emotion towards him that I feel like I’m going to burst, and he doesn’t seem to be experiencing that at all. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been harboring these feelings for about three years, and this is all pretty new to him. I guess maybe I’ll go with that.
Other than my personal life, things are okay. I like most of my classes, mostly due to the fact that Andy is in three of them. I love my photography class, and I look forward to it every week. My survey of math class is another story. I feel like I’m taking fifth grade math all over again, and it’s slowly killing my brain cells. Work sucks, but that’s no big surprise. I’m really sick of being picked on constantly by my managers. If they want me to do something a certain way, making me feel like absolute shit for messing up is not the best way to go about it. I need to start looking elsewhere for employment.
I also decided I need to start riding my bike again. If not now, then definitely in the summer. I want to get back to where i was the summer after freshman year. I was actually fairly thin, and in shape from riding my bike to and from work three days a week. I’m so sick of how I look, I really need to get serious about changing. Another idea I’ve been considering is becoming vegan. But the thing that holds me back the most is, I know I would only be doing it to lose weight. I know I really don’t have any strong beliefs about ingesting another living animal. I mean, we were meant to. Of course, I can see the other side of it as well, but I know it isn’t really something I feel too strongly about. It would be a lot healthier though.
I’m really starting to consider moving out too. I think if I really worked at it, I could do it. All I would need is a roommate, and that would just be to help with the rent. But I think if I aim for September, and I work full time all summer, and save as much as possible, I could manage on my own. I would of course need to pay the rent, phone bill, car insurance, and for college, but if I gave up my social life, I think I would do okay. I just really can’t stand to live under my mother’s obscene rules anymore.
On a lighter note, I’m seeing George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic on Tuesday with Burry. I’m fairly excited. Then Divinity Destroyed on Friday with Andy. Both should prove to be excellent shows. I’ve also purchased tickets for an Anthony Green acoustic show, and Tiger Army tickets. It’s nice to have things to look forward to.
And I’ll leave you with this:
Single handedly, one of the best moments of my life.
