"As we melt let's make no noise

And love is a fragile thing…

yellowspider — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:54:38 +0000

I haven’t written anything in here for a while.

This semester I’m taking painting, drawing, 2-d design, photoshop, and public relations. Hopefully I’ll be able to handle all of this. It’s only the first week and I have two pencil drawings due. I know what I’m doing the first one, but have no idea what to do for the second one. Oh well. One good thing is my painting and drawing professor used to work at the Tyler school. And I’m thinking I could use his inside knowledge to build a portfolio that they’ll have to accept.

Anywho, things with Shane are wonderful. Yeah, we still bicker every so often. But never over anything too serious. Right now I’m compiling a few small gifts for an anniversary/valentine’s day gift. I hope he likes everything :-/

Work has been okay. We’re close to finishing one of the biggest projects we’ve ever taken on. I can’t wait for it to be over. Then I can go back to spending my work days shopping online and blogging. Heh.

The thing I want the most though, is for this wretched cold weather to be OVER. I want to ride my bike. And not have to wear 6+ layers in order to venture outdoors. It is too cold. One of these days I will get over to the doctor to get blood work done. Then they can tell me I have a hypo-active thyroid, and give me medication, and then I won’t be cold all the time.

I’m also getting better at saving my money. This morning I had over $400. Granted, its now down to about $300, I have gotten a lot better. All I need to do is save as much as possible, so that when I can finally graduate from OCC, I can move to Philly and go to Tyler.

Well, I’m bored already. And I have to leave soon for class, which I hope won’t take too, too long, because I have plans with Shane for after. And oh! I just won in an ebay auction

This obsession I must admit, has me shaken up a bit…

yellowspider — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:08:13 +0000

Yesterday was a good day. I woke up early, picked up Andy, Shane, and Matt and went out to breakfast. Then I dropped off Andy and Matt and me and Shane went back to his house and just chilled out all morning watching TV/movies. We both left the house at 4 and I headed over to Burry’s. We smoked a bong and then Shayne arrived. We smoked another bong and then left to pick up Anniello. Then we were off to Brooklyn. We smoked a blunt in the car on the way there, and then picked up some rum and three bottles of coke. We took the path into Manhattan and the L train to Brooklyn and then walked a few blocks to The Warsaw. P-Funk is so friggin’ good. I took a few videos, but I can’t figure out how to get them on the computer. And they played for like, 3 hours, and it felt like we were there for maybe 30 minutes, haha. Def a good dance party. We couldn’t seem to hide from the security guards, so we couldn’t smoke the perfectly rolled joint that we had brought, but whatev. We smoked the mini blunt on the walk back to the subway. I got home at 4. My mom was a little pissed about that one. Oh well. At least I didn’t have school or work today.

The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead…

yellowspider — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 05:27:56 +0000

So today i worked for 8 hours, and then left to take pictures with Shane on the overpass for my photography class. I got some really cool shots, only it wasn’t until I was halfway back to the car that I realized that I had had the f-stop way too low the entire time, and it was too cold to turn back. I’m scared to put them on the computer because I know they’re probably not going to look as good as they do on the tiny LCD screen.

We hurried back to his house to get under the covers because it was absolutely freezing out. Lately all we’ve been doing is watching The Office. It’s nice. However, once 11:15 rolls around, it is so ridiculously difficult to leave that boy. Especially when he’s half asleep and all cute and mumbly. I usually end up tucking him into bed and then letting myself out. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

Tuesday I’m seeing George Clinton with Burry, and if he keeps up his end of the deal, I’ll be good and fucked up. I’m excited! Especially since i don’t have anythingggg on Wednesday, which means I can sleep in to my heart’s content. Friday I plan on seeing Divinity Destroyed with Andy, which I’m also pretty excited about. And I got my Anthony Green ticket in the mail the other day. So many good things to look forward to.

Well, I’m off to bed. I have two whole classes tomorrow, haha.

Deadened branches stirred by the whispers in the wind…

yellowspider — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:37:59 +0000

So either Shane found my blog and read it, or he really is just…perfect. We’ve only been together a few weeks, but every time I feel weird about something, or feel the need to type it out in a blog, he usually brings it up the next day without me even saying anything about it. For example, he was acting a little weird for a few days about a week ago. Not mean or anything, just kind of distant. And one night as we were laying around watching TV he asked me “Do you think I’ve been acting distant? You can be totally honest.” So i said yes. He then proceeded to give me this long speech about how he was acting that way because he felt like he needed to tell me something, but wasn’t sure if he should or not. He basically settled on letting this “thing” be unknown to me, saying he would tell me at a later time. About 15 minutes later, he starts back into the same speech, saying how happy he is with me and whatnot, and ends it with “and that’s why I think… I’m in love with you.”

After posting that last post, again we were laying around watching TV, and he says to me “I know you probably think I’m ignoring you and stuff, but after I get off work and have class and everything I’m just really tired. And it isn’t like I don’t want you here or anything, I love having you here. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m ignoring you purposely.” I don’t know, he’s just perfect. And he always seems to know what I’m thinking without me having to say anything about it. And I’m so so so happy with him.

Yesterday I was hanging out in my car with Phil, waiting for Shane to get out of class, and he asked me about how long I’ve been interested in Shane for. I told him about how I’ve had the biggest crush on him for the past 3 years and all that. Then Shane came and got in the car and Phil was talking about his girlfriend and how he was trying to take things slow with her, but it was proving to be difficult because they “attract each other too much”. And Shane just goes, “You’re preaching to the choir Phil.” And Phil says “What do you mean?” And Shane says “You’re preaching to the choir. You’re talking to two people who have liked each other and have been attracted to each other for three years, but were never able to anything about it until now.” Basically exactly what i had been saying to Phil before Shane got into the car. I guess its just nice to finally be at the same place at the same time with someone.

And each letter written wastes your hand…

yellowspider — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:58:14 +0000

So I’ve decided that livejournal is a piece of shit. I hardly write in it anyway, but maybe I’ll keep it up on here. At least the layout is aesthetically pleasing.

Things lately have been pretty nice. I’m in a situation I never thought I’d be in, and I’m really enjoying myself. I’ve still got this slight guard up though, which I think is more because I’m not sure if I really believe this is happening yet. Though he seems pretty sure of himself. Sometimes I still feel like I like him a lot more than he likes me. But maybe that’s just me being paranoid. I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of him, I want to be around him constantly, and though he likes to have me around as well, he doesn’t mind being occupied with other things. And i feel like I’m forcing myself on him sometimes. I guess maybe I’m just used to guys being interested in only one thing… So in reality, I shouldn’t really be complaining about this at all. I don’t know. It’s weird. I feel like I’m being rejected almost? Even though that doesn’t really make any sense, obviously he isn’t rejecting me. I’m just rambling now. All I know is, that sometimes I’m so overcome with emotion towards him that I feel like I’m going to burst, and he doesn’t seem to be experiencing that at all. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been harboring these feelings for about three years, and this is all pretty new to him. I guess maybe I’ll go with that.

Other than my personal life, things are okay. I like most of my classes, mostly due to the fact that Andy is in three of them. I love my photography class, and I look forward to it every week. My survey of math class is another story. I feel like I’m taking fifth grade math all over again, and it’s slowly killing my brain cells. Work sucks, but that’s no big surprise. I’m really sick of being picked on constantly by my managers. If they want me to do something a certain way, making me feel like absolute shit for messing up is not the best way to go about it. I need to start looking elsewhere for employment.

I also decided I need to start riding my bike again. If not now, then definitely in the summer. I want to get back to where i was the summer after freshman year. I was actually fairly thin, and in shape from riding my bike to and from work three days a week. I’m so sick of how I look, I really need to get serious about changing. Another idea I’ve been considering is becoming vegan. But the thing that holds me back the most is, I know I would only be doing it to lose weight. I know I really don’t have any strong beliefs about ingesting another living animal. I mean, we were meant to. Of course, I can see the other side of it as well, but I know it isn’t really something I feel too strongly about. It would be a lot healthier though.

I’m really starting to consider moving out too. I think if I really worked at it, I could do it. All I would need is a roommate, and that would just be to help with the rent. But I think if I aim for September, and I work full time all summer, and save as much as possible, I could manage on my own. I would of course need to pay the rent, phone bill, car insurance, and for college, but if I gave up my social life, I think I would do okay. I just really can’t stand to live under my mother’s obscene rules anymore.

On a lighter note, I’m seeing George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic on Tuesday with Burry. I’m fairly excited. Then Divinity Destroyed on Friday with Andy. Both should prove to be excellent shows. I’ve also purchased tickets for an Anthony Green acoustic show, and Tiger Army tickets. It’s nice to have things to look forward to.

And I’ll leave you with this:

Single handedly, one of the best moments of my life.